For the longest time, I relied on climbing for purpose and as a way to distract myself from my problems. The intense focus required was a respite from the lack of direction in other parts of my life. I wish I had had a healthier relationship with climbing and used it to enrich my life, rather than be my life. I think my interest in climbing has partly waned as a result of my newfound psychotherapy career path. I am also daunted by the huge amount of training I would need to put in to get myself into satisfactory climbing shape and I am currently debating whether that would be a good use of my time. That being said, I do miss many aspects of climbing, like being in excellent physical shape and that wonderful feeling of flow in my movements. It is also a great way to meet people and I have been pretty lonely lately.

One thing I have to be cautious about, if I am to start climbing again, is my relationship with food. Eating disorders pervade climbing, especially amongst female climbers. When I was competing, or even just climbing a ton, I was undereating to maintain competition weight. Because I don’t have full use of my left leg, I felt that my weight was critical because I had fewer body parts to bear it. While I loved the way my clothes fit, this way of eating and thinking wasn’t really sustainable. Climbers are starting to have conversations about eating disorders and climbing, but the recent resignations of International Federation of Sport Climbing (IFSC) Medical Commission officials due to inaction around eating disorders in climbing shows that we still have a very long way to go.